X is for Xtremely Odd
by Guardian Demon
Summary: Silly short- Pyro's spy mission at Xavier's keeps getting... interrupted. PG for pouncing and excessive amounts of cookies.


X is for… X-tremely Odd

~a very silly fic by cat, with help from her mutant muses annie and jenna~

a/n: This fic is the result of a combination of extremely hyper IM conversations and the very strange imagination of yours truly, and not for the sane to behold. Be warned!

disclaimer: I only wish I owned the X-Men. As it is, though, I don't. I just use them for my own unscrupulous motives… oops, did I say that out loud?

~

It was just another ordinary day for John Allardyce, also known as Pyro… well, as ordinary as it gets if you happen to be a mutant working for an organization bent on taking over the world, spying on another organization bent on stopping yours. 

*I don't know if I like that sentence…*

Pyro looked around suddenly, thinking he was hearing a voice from somewhere. A telepath, having a practical joke?

*Oops. You did not hear that.*

No, it was only the Author, thinking out loud again. Pyro promptly forgot it and resumed sneaking around inside Xavier's School for Gifted Children… unaware of the girl lurking behind him. Or trying to, anyway. Being one of the good guys, she wasn't all that adept at it. Still, Pyro didn't notice her until she launched herself out of the shadows, tackling him from behind. He caught a glimpse of silver hair and pale skin before he toppled over onto his face.

"Hi!" the girl exclaimed excitedly. "You're Pyro, right?"

Pyro wheezed. She was crushing his lungs rather.

"Yep, of course you are, 'cause you're sneaking around like a… sneaky person. And being antisocial. Annie said you were antisocial. You know her, right? Of course you do, you both hang out with Magneto. You shouldn't do that. I know Annie, 'cause me and her hang out with the Author when we're not being in these weird stories… oh, oops, I broke the fourth wall again. Sorry."

"Can't… breathe…" Pyro managed to choke out.

"Eheh, oops." The girl let him go, and he sat up feeling very bruised. "I'm Jenna, anyway, and since you're all depressed and antisocial-ish, I decided you need hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. Oh, and cookies! I brought you a cookie but it got squished rather. But you can have the crumbs." Jenna fished a large handful of crumbs out of a pocket and handed them to the astonished Pyro. He blinked at them, a bit dazed. "And I was just off to make some more, so don't go anywhere!" She sprang to her feet and skipped merrily down the random shiny corridor.

Pyro nibbled absently on a few large chocolate chips mixed in with the crumbs. They were actually pretty good. He deposited the rest of the crumbs in his pocket and wandered away in search of someone interesting, and more importantly, non-huggy to spy on.

Several hours later, he was hidden in a conveniently placed niche in another random shiny hallway, this one close to the classrooms. Suddenly a whole horde of students swarmed past his hiding place. The last girl in the crowd spotted him and pointed. 

"Lookit!" she exclaimed. "John's back!" The horde swarmed back to stare. Unfortunately, this left Pyro stuck in the niche.

"Um, I need to get out," he said. The crowd obediently parted, but as soon as he stepped out, the girl who had discovered him pounced on him.

"Jenna said to give you hugs if we saw you," she said by way of explanation. "She said you needed them, 'cause you were depressed."

"I am not," Pyro protested, but he was soon squished again, this time in a crowd of three or four huggers. After they had finally departed, he pulled out some crumbs- now noticeably smaller due to the squashing he had just received. He ate them anyway, thinking that if this kept up he would have cookie-flavored Pixy Stix.

Still later, several more hours later, poor Pyro was wandering the halls, no longer attempting to hide. Every few seconds, a random student would pounce, hug him ferociously, and hand him a cookie, which he suspected Jenna was mass-producing somewhere. He'd already been through a batch of chocolate chip cookies and a stack of sugar cookies with colorful sprinkles, and was starting on a set of peanut butter cookies. They were actually quite yummy, but he was starting to feel sick to his stomach. He was wandering absently past the door to Cerebro, munching on an Oreo, when the door swished open and Professor Xavier himself rolled out. Pyro quickly shoved the rest of the Oreo into his mouth.

"Hello," Xavier said cheerfully.

"Mmphl," Pyro replied.

"I have recently been informed," the Professor continued, ignoring Pyro's bad manners, "that you are being… tormented by the student body. Is this correct?"

"Yes, it really is!" he exclaimed, swallowing the Oreo. "They're driving me out of my mind-"

"Well, perhaps I can help the situation a bit." And with a smile, Xavier produced an extremely large M&M cookie and handed it to Pyro. "Enjoy!" he called, as he wheeled away down the hallway.

Pyro, however, was lying on the floor in a dead faint.


End file.
